A Palate Cleanser

Ingredients

• Walking a bulldog
• Running in 90-degree heat
• Walking into an empty apartment
• Running out of food
• Walking a fine line between authoritative & cool
• Running out of ideas

Instructions

Did I mention that one of the reasons why I'm speeding up this cookbook is because I'm running out of things to complain about? I'm going to pause for a moment to let those who know me well stop laughing.

We good? K. Quite frankly, I think I stopped complaining a while ago. I'd have to go back and check, but at some point I stopped complaining and started dispensing wisdom, thinly veiled as potential "disastrous" circumstances. If you're thinking that I'm thinking "Gee, New York isn't so bad anymore!", you can bite me. What it really comes down to is that whatever I thought was weird or upsetting 2 years ago is now unquestionably normal. Walking through and running into plainly boring and painfully typical, unexciting humdrum that's so undeniable it's almost unnoticeable. Impossible? Oxymoron? No-- it's New York.

Here's what I have left to "complain" about-- or, more in my own terms (as I don't like to think that what I've been doing is as basic and annoying as complaining), what I have left to vent about-- that's not so deeply personal or too intimate to speak of in this setting: because oh YEAH could I fill BOOKS with what I have left to vent, but not here:

- Bulldogs are stubborn and don't like a lot of exercise. UGH, I was so looking forward to being one of those cool New Yorkers who walk a dog through Central Park! GOSH, I guess this means less work for me to do at my new babysitting job involving a bulldog-- annoying!

- I had 8 days to myself in my apartment after my subletter left and my roommate came back, and it was a little lonely. MAN, space and privacy and quiet is the WORST! I hate leaving my stuff everywhere without consequence!!

- The sun is so bright in the summer and, since I run early in the mornings while I'm still wearing my glasses, I can't protect my eyes with sunglasses. FOR GOODNESS SAKES, trading eye comfort for general mobility is such a difficult compromise! Yeah, this summer I got to run for the first time in about 3 years and it's made me such a happier person, but at WHAT COST? SQUINTING?!

- Letting my kitchen run dry has limited the amount of food I can eat in a day. WOW, WHAT THE HECK, like I should ever have to learn how not to waste food or how to prepare cheap, bulk foods in advance! I HATE knowing that I can get by on much less than I thought! NO, one day I will NOT look back on this summer's severe money scrimping with a sense of legitimate accomplishment nor see it as a tangible and uplifting comparison of how far I've come! WHY!

- Gaining a middle schooler and pre-teen's respect is tough. GAHHHH, it's so FRUSTRATING that I am the first person to have noted this problem! SWEET HEAVENS TO BETSY, it's the most difficult part of my new job! My job consists of overseeing a 10-year-old, 13-year-old, and a bulldog named Penny, and she is NOT sweet and I DID NOT meet the family through a trusted personal connection NOR is the family down-to-earth and understanding AT ALL-- GRACIOUS ME, I don't know from WHERE YOU'RE GETTING THESE WILDLY UNSOUND ASSUMPTIONS! I thought we agreed that my jobs must ALL SUCK!

You get the point. 

I still have 9 recipes left. You will not disappointed. However, isn't kind of a major disaster if I end this cookbook with a few recipes of... positivity? Nay, success? 

Sounds fun. But let's not get too "glass half full:" I want to hear from you all one more time. Send me your gnarliest, worst, most grueling ingredients of chaos for one huge, really bang-out fest of negativity focused venting. That's what we love. That's why we're here. 

Email me at annaleighmarr@gmail.com with your ingredient(s) by Wed. Sept. 16th at midnight, in whatever amount, length, or hilarity. GUYS, your chance at FAME! Truly, though-- what better than a recipe full of diverse and nuanced collective shit? 

Oh; right. That.