Ingredients
1. MOM Occupation: Worrier
View On Apocalyptic Events: Secretly lives for them
# of Cases of Water Bottles in Basement: at least 3 (at all times) (just in case)
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| Who uses batteries? |
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| OK, accuweather, I see you! |
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| Just a suggestion... they say... would also be of-- Passive language, be gone be gone! |
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| Ah, yes, so I can be fired. |
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| Ask me again if I've left. |
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| WHAT'S GOING ON |
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| Let's also notice my blatant disobedience of her orders. |
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| OK. |
Looks like not only did someone steal my idea and publish it before I did, but also that I was not alone in electronic harassment by my mother: Buzzfeed's "Everybody's Mom is Freaking Out About the Blizzard-Pocalypse".
I sent that link to my mom and she laughed (or at least that's what her "hahaha" insinuated on Facebook; so at least she meant to laugh). She only said "I bet I will be embarrassed" when I told her my next blog post would be a knock-off of/the first-original-yet-unpublished version of the article. That's because I have a really cool mom who, just like me, enjoys making people happy. So much so that she would've overnighted an extra large box of extra batteries (for what?!), candles, and water bottles if it would've made it "on time".
As seen above, I went into work the day that the "worst" "winter hurricane" "hit"-- I don't think I've ever used so many "ironic" quotation marks before-- can't stop!-- and my mother was NOT happy about it. So unhappy that she called me during my shift and wanted to know "what was going on". There was never anything more going on from one hour to the next, except the subways announcing that they were going to close at 11pm, but don't try to tell that to my mom. Let me tell you a little more about why. Here are a few of my mom's "favorites":
- Author: Stephen King (she tried yearly to get me to read books out of her Stephen King collection throughout my childhood-- my childhood-- because she read them as a child!)
- Books: I've always been highly aware, since I was a kid, that one of her favorite books is The Donner Party. So, that also means that, when I was a kid, she taught me about the Donner Party.
- Pastimes: jewelry making, gardening, baking, paper crafting, our tiny dog
RIGHT! Which one of these things is not like the other! My mother is a very sweet, unassuming, gentle caretaker, quiet as a mouse and cute as a button, with the most beautiful garden in town. However. She is secretly a dark doomsday fanatic gorging on the weirdest, creepiest dramas to feed her twisted soul. I'm so jealous! I mean, the same has been said about me-- one friend said that the way I see the world is not from rose-colored glasses, but instead peeking around the corner of a tall building I'm hiding behind with looming storm clouds above me. But I can't watch that creepy crime show nonsense. I can barely even watch the news-- gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Other than my distaste for fictional anxiety, as I have enough of mine own, I am truly my mother's daughter. Even though she used to claim I wasn't because I didn't like chocolate, I am 100% her worried little spawn in almost every sweet, deep dark way. I will be honest-- she just about had me concerned about that "storm". I knew it was all cockamamy, but with her great, great persistence she had me callin' into work and asking if I was still needed! Checking the MTA service alert website every 10 minutes while I was at work! ASKING THE CORNER 99-CENT STORE OWNER IF THEY SOLD RADIOS AND HE LAUGHED AT ME IN MY FACE! Damn, she is good.
Now, I know that everyone devoured that Severely Concerned Tragedy-Minded Mom recipe, but, for those of you who are still hungry, I've prepared a complimentary dessert: an Emotional Emoji-Centric Dad dessert! It's a fantastic finish to your main course; though the brunt of your parental storm worry is with Severely Concerned Tragedy-Minded Mom, this Emotional Emoji-Centric Dad dessert is still incredibly rich with concern. It's its notes of sentimentality that make it a bit sweeter as your dessert. Do enjoy.
Ingredients
2. DAD
Occupation: Intense Protecter
View on Apocalyptic Events: Watch the news, use your brain, and you'll earn your way out
# of "R U alive" Texts He's Sent Since You Were in College: 478, roughly
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| Is that a eulogy? |
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| Psh, I was drinking before I even knew I was supposed to drink. (For those who don't know, it is mandatory in NYC to drink when snow freaks city officials out. So, almost all the time, amiright?) |
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| I am always the first person to do something foolish-- thank goodness he reminded me. |
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| 2nd emoji heart! Also, here I kind of become a little shit. |
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| Still unclear whether or not my boss was supposed to accompany me home or not. |
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Bringin' me down, Daddy.
(You know who I forgot to text, though? My mom. Who had been waiting up for me for two hours until midnight. I have awesome anxious parents.)
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My parents and their simultaneous concerned texts... without even being in the same place!! Was I annoyed? Yes. Was I also impressed? Absolutely! Never communicating between themselves, they wer e concurrently hilarious that day/night and entertained my roommate and I fiercely. I know that was not their intent. But look how famous they are now.
Famous because this blog is so popular.
As popular as Winter Storm Juno was "the worst" "winter hurricane" "in the history of the city".
PS: These are the top photos (I have on my computer) of my parents and me. Now you see why I'm so cool and funny.
