- 15 extra minutes you should've added to your travel time so you wouldn't be 15 minutes late to your meeting at InStyle Magazine (for babysitting, but still. The Editor.)
- 1 wrong turn out of the subway station that holds you in an underground labyrinth of bougie-- nope, simply high end shops & salad restaurants for at least 5 minutes, a long time for one to feel stuck underground before your job interview in Rockefeller Plaza
- $xxx.xx of rent threatened to be withheld from your leasing office = risking being sued and charged for the management's court fees
and this:
but know that this is also a thing:
(Needless to say, I was looking for a little hot water. Needless to say, I didn't win 8th grade Mock Trial Lawyer of the Year for nothing.)
- $3.52 + a fair amount of wasted time at a Whole Foods because you don't check for free WIFI before you make your purchase
- A 3rd-day-in-a-row that you spend in a significantly nicer neighborhood than your own, which makes you feel like apartment browsing, just to "look" (For any New Yorkers who'd like to know, I left a rainy dark Inwood & emerged from the subway in a sunny farmer's market in Union Square. There were dogs in baskets.)
- 1 street festival spanning the length of every bus stop that you need to use. It...keeps going...I just...
Instructions:
Before you mix all of the ingredients for a recipe together, here's a thought: make sure you read it. Like, if your recipe happens to be on Google Maps, don't assume you'll figure it out as you go along. Why not write it out beforehand? Learn that you can't do everything all at once and that subways suck, and that's pretty much the only reason why you can't do everything at once. If the NY subway system were always reliable, then you could be as priceless as a Mastercard. Unfortunately, it likes to be a jerk and make you late and want to turn into the negative Nancy you've never been-- if you have unrealistic expectations. So, read the recipe. Know what you're getting yourself into. This may mean understanding well in advance that every Whole Foods you'll see for the beginning week of this recipe may make you all warm and tingling inside, like home. Or that you need to develop a sharp tongue and bull-crap receptors a mile long to detect money-scamming snakes, in the form of leasing agents and furniture salesmen. Prepare yourself for the worst-- with your Google Maps/HopStop, Free WIFI app, and mock trial lawyer skills-- and you'll have these guys running for the hills.
Antidote:
8 episodes of "Orange is the New Black" + a free gym membership to Equinox + 1 tour of the NY Story Pirates office + a pinch of local terminology (Columbus Circle, Union Square, West Village, Washington Square Park, Upper West Side, Mr. Softee)
