- 1 man to another at the restaurant in which I work, which, let's note, is located on 83rd and Columbus:
"And, by the way, man, thanks for coming all the way uptown for this."
 |
| really |
- 2 shoulders on either side of your body (not yours, silly) that you weeble-wobble between for an indiscernible period of time. = Subways 4 Lyfe
- 6.5 hours spent napping on a Monday
- 16 songs on Katy Perry's new album that prevent you from getting to bed by your self-imposed bedtime-- only because the last time you saw Katy Perry, she was in a tiger onesie & now you're convinced she can do nothing but inspire greatness
- A pinch of confusion:
SCENE: A street outside of a coffee shop. A middle-aged woman (Nanny?) accompanies a younger woman with a stroller (Mom). Mom pushes the stroller towards the entrance. She calls back to Nanny?, who has stayed by the street.
MOM: Do you want something?
NANNY?: Oh, no, I don't drink coffee.
MOM: WOW! Well, you're a much stronger person than me!
Nanny? smiles in passive agreement. Mom propels the stroller into the coffee shop. Nanny? immediately pulls out a cigarette and lights it up.
Oh. OK.
- 8 hours of freezing cold, beginning at 8:30am and splashed with water, Gatorade, and 47 °F. The NYC ING Marathon was an incredible event to volunteer for with my step-mom and step-sister. Even more cool to rep the airline that continually makes me look much wealthier than I am (Holler at your Business Class to and fro London. Love me that cheese plate). Watched disabled athletes power through the 23rd mile mark on their cycles. 100% awesome. Experienced the last stretch of 26.2 miles for 50,000+ runners. Inspirational. Provided liquid betterment to a portion of the those runners. Satisfied-- to a point. Being straight out of Northwestern (Type-A Personality Utopia) and raised by 4 hard-working, middle-class Catholic Midwesterners, I abided by the established "no breaks" rule and did not stop. filling. the. cups. once. Nor did Sue or Mel. When I finally had enough of walking like a duck with my numb toes, I looked up and saw that HALF of the other United volunteers had left. WHAT. I WILL NOT BE A SUCKER. We left. Earlier, though, Mel and I did rock out a great Gatorade version of the song Cups. For which she thanks 4 years of Amherst High School Girls Basketball water cups and downtime.
- 484 miles traveled for 19 hours in Ohio for 1 driver's license for 0 cars. I am grateful for my new license, as I feel like an identifiable human once again. However, the lack of sleep + numerous extra, unrestful naps via travel were less than appreciated. It caused this incident on the way home:
In the 2nd to last row of a Big Plane (meaning, to me, one with more than 150 seats), I was attempting to fall asleep for my 1.5 hour flight. At some point in my drowsiness, I saw all of the seats ahead of me fill with... danger? The flight attendant was saying something -- notably not good-- over the intercom, and there seemed to be panic in the air. Something was just. not. right. Gradually, I realized what happened: someone in one of the exit rows had opened the emergency latch. What the WHAT? The flight attendant got, eh, a bit more nervous. I was so confused and growing increasingly scared-- though, let's note, apparently not scared enough to move any part of my body, wonder why no one was visibly freaking out, ask anyone what was going on, or really do anything about it at all.
Well. That's probably because it didn't happen.
Instructions
I live off the 200-Dyckman stop. On the island of Manhattan, that's, as some people call it, "the top of the world". (And not in a good way.) To me, it's home. But it's also, sometimes, a painfully long subway ride. I'm (for once) not using painful as a hyperbole or off-handedly intense throwaway. Riding the subway can be physically painful for my eyes, my brain, and, eventually, my entire body. Why?
Because I have narcolepsy.
Haha. No, no, I don't. I'm pullin' your leg. I'm simply overly tired like the rest of the young, overachieving population. What I really need is to quit an activity and get some more sleep.
Alright. Seriously, though. I do have narcolepsy.
.... ? ...
Nope. I do.
Isn't that... like, where you steal stuff?
Uh, no. That's kleptomania.
You don't sleep?
I wish. That's insomnia.
Oh, so this is the one where you sleep all the time. No, way! Could you, like, fall asleep right now?
Ummm... I mean, I guess so. I mean, not right now. But I can fall asleep pretty much--
So would you, like, fall asleep in class?
Yes.
Ouch. Have you ever fallen asleep standing up?
Sort of.
That's weird. Have you ever fallen asleep in the middle of a conversation?
Yes.
No way, totally crazy! Have you ever fallen asleep driving?
Yes.
Oh.
"Oh." That's much better than, "You're lucky-- I can't sleep at all!" Until you live with a sleep disorder, you most likely don't fully understand how you don't want one. Most people-- even my family-- don't see how it affects my life. Ask anyone I've ever lived with in college (where it developed), though, and they will give you a tooootally different answer. Probably akin to "she sleeps everywhere and I don't know what to do!" I like to lighten the mood/make fun of myself, but those roommates would probably not laugh at the mention of narcolepsy.
Strange, seeing as it's one of "those" words that people find, well, funny. When I tell people I have narcolepsy, they normally think I'm kidding. And there's usually a smile on their face. Perhaps because it's kind of a... "hip" condition. (No, nothing is wrong with my bony hip, nor is that hip to be referenced in quotes. This is the cool neat super fly In-Style Magazine hip.) Everyone I've ever told has never met a person with narcolepsy before-- heck, I've never met a person with narcolepsy before!
Let's be honest, though: this is still my blog. I'm not gonna be dreadful. No one wants that. So, please, enjoy: a proper, non-mimicry explanation of narcolepsy in a not-so serious series of pictures.
I've fallen asleep twice while writing this, even though I have a stimulant to help me stay awake. That's because narcolepsy is a chronic neurological disorder in which the brain loses the ability to maintain normal sleep and wake states. AKA, my REM sleep cycles are CRAYZAY! *In my overnight sleep study, I was able to fall asleep after a full night's sleep for five 20-minute naps, 1.5 hours apart, within an average of 4 minutes each, and then enter into the last stage of REM within 2 minutes. It takes the normal sleeper 80 to 100 minutes to enter REM. It takes me minutes.
I never knew other people actually had these symptoms (because they're kinda weird, when you don't know they're symptoms), but here are these suckers:
- Periods of extreme daytime sleepiness
- Hallucinations while falling asleep or waking, sometimes jarring-- thus, my illogical airplane prankster above!
- Sleep paralysis upon waking or falling asleep, during which an individual is awake but cannot move-- thus, my lack of heroism in said airplane above!
* Cool neurological explanation time. This will fascinate you: Your body paralyzes itself in the last stage of REM, so you don't actually fight that lion or actually run off that cliff to avoid the ninja clown in your dreams. This usually goes unnoticed by normal sleepers because it occurs only when they're fully asleep and entering the REM stage at the appropriate time in the sleep cycle. Aw, but it's not fun to be appropriate-- mine happen during hallucinations, either when falling asleep or waking up from a nap. It's generally only vivid images of my roommate knocking on my door but I'm unable to get up or even carrying on a full conversation with me that I can't answer back to. It's frustrating because you feel like you're in a straightjacket; it's annoying because it's hard to tell what's real and what's not. 
Narcolepsy symptoms usually start appearing between ages 7 - 25, but many people experience symptoms for an average of 3 - 5 years before receiving a diagnosis. I was known as the morning monster in my house... forever; that was never not existent. Probably should've invested in some armor for my poor mother, who got thrashed at in the a.m. for YEARS. My sister's favorite stories of our youth involve us sharing beds on vacations and me squirming around like a lost serpent all night.
Most primary care doctors ain't gonna get it. They're not familiar with the symptoms. I spent years saying, "I'm tired all the time", then, "interestingly, sleeping 8 hours a night isn't helping at all, contrary to your belief ", then, "listen, foo!, I fall asleep within 5 minutes of sitting down and I was sleeping before you walked in."
Honestly, I have no idea how I got through college. OK, whatever, I totally do-- I was mean to my sleep cycles and learned how to half-aamp; or bullsh#*... everything. All I wanted to do was drink excessive amounts of coffee and pull a series all-nighters like all the healthy people.
I'm more tired than you. No, please, don't hate me, and I hate to say it I really do, but unfortunately that's what I spent 24-hours in a sleep clinic last December to be statistically able to say. Take a crack at this baby: people with narcolepsy's daytime sleepiness is comparable to how someone without narcolepsy would feel after staying awake for 48 - 72 hours straight.
Nope, yeah, you know, it's uh... OK, clearly Condescending Wonka here still doesn't get it.
Sure, this happens a lot:
but the Top 5 Most Common Places Anna Sleeps are:
1. My couch
2. Amidst travel: cars or airplanes (immediately), or the subway
3. In class (or any sort of seated instructional setting)
4. A desk
5. My bed (gasp, NO!)
#5 refers to attempting to read & waking up 2 hours later with all of my makeup, clothes, and lights still on. I digress: The point is that I don't fall asleep anywhere interesting because I don't really do anything all that interesting. You want me to fall asleep at the Taj Mahal? Give me a plane ticket, a book, and a chair and wait 5 minutes.
*This one is a joke.
Here's what I hope people gain from learning about this I'm not gonna lie odd disorder: it is just that-- a disorder. Something one can't fully control. Last December, when my roommate was helping me fill out my Symptoms Checklist to prepare for baby's first big trip to the sleep doctor, I looked at one of the symptoms and then jokingly proposed to her, "violent upon waking?" She looked at me with stern seriousness and said, "Actually, we are scared to wake you up from your naps. It's like you become a completely different person." She suggested I go ahead and circle that one.
When my eyelids waver mid-conversation of a late-night gal chat about your traumatic first pimple, please don't take that as my not caring. If my head nods up & down to a noticeable degree during that staged reading & your first New York gig, please know that I am totally still proud of you and your ability to breathe in this must-covered basement. And when I begin to slur together words between turns of Parcheesi and accidentally mutter something like "computer stars", which has nothing to do with Parcheesi or anything we were talking about, please stop the game and shake my face, because I'm babysitting you and that makes no sense.
I care. I want to be awake. I like you. (Probably.) My brain just has other plans. Kind of like the new iOS7.
(Did you get that. I hope so.)
Narcolepsy symptoms usually start appearing between ages 7 - 25, but many people experience symptoms for an average of 3 - 5 years before receiving a diagnosis. I was known as the morning monster in my house... forever; that was never not existent. Probably should've invested in some armor for my poor mother, who got thrashed at in the a.m. for YEARS. My sister's favorite stories of our youth involve us sharing beds on vacations and me squirming around like a lost serpent all night.
Most primary care doctors ain't gonna get it. They're not familiar with the symptoms. I spent years saying, "I'm tired all the time", then, "interestingly, sleeping 8 hours a night isn't helping at all, contrary to your belief ", then, "listen, foo!, I fall asleep within 5 minutes of sitting down and I was sleeping before you walked in."
I'm more tired than you. No, please, don't hate me, and I hate to say it I really do, but unfortunately that's what I spent 24-hours in a sleep clinic last December to be statistically able to say. Take a crack at this baby: people with narcolepsy's daytime sleepiness is comparable to how someone without narcolepsy would feel after staying awake for 48 - 72 hours straight. Sure, this happens a lot:
1. My couch
2. Amidst travel: cars or airplanes (immediately), or the subway
3. In class (or any sort of seated instructional setting)
4. A desk
5. My bed (gasp, NO!)
#5 refers to attempting to read & waking up 2 hours later with all of my makeup, clothes, and lights still on. I digress: The point is that I don't fall asleep anywhere interesting because I don't really do anything all that interesting. You want me to fall asleep at the Taj Mahal? Give me a plane ticket, a book, and a chair and wait 5 minutes.
*This one is a joke.Here's what I hope people gain from learning about this I'm not gonna lie odd disorder: it is just that-- a disorder. Something one can't fully control. Last December, when my roommate was helping me fill out my Symptoms Checklist to prepare for baby's first big trip to the sleep doctor, I looked at one of the symptoms and then jokingly proposed to her, "violent upon waking?" She looked at me with stern seriousness and said, "Actually, we are scared to wake you up from your naps. It's like you become a completely different person." She suggested I go ahead and circle that one.
When my eyelids waver mid-conversation of a late-night gal chat about your traumatic first pimple, please don't take that as my not caring. If my head nods up & down to a noticeable degree during that staged reading & your first New York gig, please know that I am totally still proud of you and your ability to breathe in this must-covered basement. And when I begin to slur together words between turns of Parcheesi and accidentally mutter something like "computer stars", which has nothing to do with Parcheesi or anything we were talking about, please stop the game and shake my face, because I'm babysitting you and that makes no sense.
I care. I want to be awake. I like you. (Probably.) My brain just has other plans. Kind of like the new iOS7.
Am I afraid of Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea?
Yes.
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