- 1 shirt on your person as you travel an hour in 90-degree heat and humidity to a film shoot (the sweatier the better)
- 2 pairs of nice shoes... that are still in Ohio. Make sure you then wear your Keds to all auditions.
- 1 "casually professional" job-interview outfit worn to your active physical therapy appointment, where they promptly ask you, "do you need somewhere to change?", to which you confidently & matter-of-factly reply, "No, this is unfortunately what I'm wearing today", which the kind receptionist doesn't know how to reply to
- 10 minutes that you JUST missed getting seen at an EPA (Equity Principle Audition, aka a cattle call) after they called the first 10 names on the non-Equity list, of which you were SIXTH. There's an essential order in which these 10 min. must be obtained:
- Wake up with just enough time to not realize that you were wearing dark navy underwear under a pale peach dress (if this has now gotten too personal for you, please understand this is for the common good)
- Look around you at the audition. Notice that your choice of Keds was indeed not a good idea.
- Take the audition monitor's "go shopping at Forever 21! they have a sale!" advice when she releases all the non-Eqs until 2pm (when lunch is over)
- Spend 12pm-1pm searching in Forever 21 for not nly appropriate audition footwear but also, hey, why not an audition dress, seeing as you (secretly) borrowed your roommate's at 6:15 that morning! While you're there, realize...
- REALIZE that ANYONE can see your UNDERWEAR through your dress! HOW DID YOU MISS THAT??
- After 4 rounds of dressing room fun (lolz) & the alarming realization that you no longer want all of the dresses in all of the stores (is it because I'm now 22 in a Forever 21?? are we truly not 21 in our hearts forever?????), decide to just buy a new pair of underwear. Now you can,
- Go back to the audition and change!
- Walk upstairs to the waiting room to meet a nice, clean 2:00 pm in the face, where you find that... that... the monitor called the names at:
- 1:45.
- [INSERT LEARN THE HARD WAY LESSON HERE]
- Wait 2 more hours and be very grateful you were still seen.
Instructions:
Now, it's important to note that not all of these ingredients will be available if you DO YOU LAUNDRY. This week's lesson is DO YOUR LAUNDRY.
Here's a thought: we don't do our laundry because it's inconvenient. It takes time, it takes gathering quarters, it takes lugging all of your dirty clothes and those huge, huge bottles of soap down stairs and the street to a laundromat, ew! Why not not wait until doing your laundry equals feelings of annoyance and desperation? Why not avoid the inevitable psychology of "I have to do it, so I don't want to do it?" There's gonna be a day/night where you're sitting around, perhaps between breakfast and lunch or after you finish a huge email project, and you could either clean your room, watch a Netflix documentary, bake, or search for hours on Backstage.com. Instead of deciding which one of these non-time-sensitive things you can do for hours, why not pick another mindless activity that will benefit you in the long run? One that prevents future sweaty endeavors, awkward physical therapy sessions, and just plain wrong audition-wear? Do yourself a solid and treat your clothes as they should be treated-- not as inconvenient chores, but as options for a colorful, comfortable appearance.
(...that'll be the day...)
* Brought to you by Downy fabric softener, the high upgrade from the box of dryer sheets that I used for 4 years *
